Today I was getting my oldest little sunshine down for a nap and changing my other ones diaper when I thought back to the first few months of being a mom. Nobody told me how incredibly hard it was going to be. I almost wish there was an easy to read, realistic book on what to expect! (although I did enjoy reading Mother Shock by Andrea Buchanan) Luckily my second baby doesn't cry nearly as much as my first did but I thought back on one specific night I was sitting in the rocking chair nursing which was extremely painful at the time after a long crying session with my baby and tears were just streaming down my cheek. My poor husband standing across the room looked at me with sadness in his eyes and asked what he could do to help, knowing that unless he quit his job and started nursing this baby for me, he would never know what I was going through. I was so upset I couldn't even talk I just kept crying and nodded no. I've heard that part of the training they put soldiers through is to listen to the sounds of a baby cry and cry and cry. This breaks them down mentally and emotionally. I don't know if that is true but I'd believe it. Listening to kids cry and whine is not for the faint of heart!
Two years and another baby later, I look back on experiences like that and hope that some day I can offer advise that I wish I would have received in those dark moments. I've heard many different suggestions on ways to be a better parent, live in the moment, not be an angry yelling parent, ect. If Im ever going to give advise some day to those who might need it, I need to start by writing it down before I forget myself how hard the struggles truly are. I know the good of children in our life can totally out weigh the bad (if we choose to live that way) but it doesn't mean the inevitable, that the bad will still come.
For a two year old, my sunshine can actually talk very well along with sign ASL. There are very few times that I can't understand what he wants. I've been told, think of how frustrated you are when you can't understand your children.... they are just as frustrated because you don't understand what they are trying to say. This is when the tantrums start and it goes down hill from there. I think of that night many years ago when my poor baby was crying and all I could do was feel sorry for myself. How hard was he just trying to communicate with me a simple need like i'm hungry or tired. This is when I think to my self, How would I handle this in 10 years?
What I mean by that is some day when my son is in his twenties and says mom I need to talk I will sit down with him and listen. He may poor his heart out about proposing to a young woman and her not excepting. I imagine this won't be a ten minute conversation. I know without a doubt in my mind as his mother, I will be there to listen and console and hug him and cry with him and feel his pain. I imagine my little princess coming to me as a young teenager ready to cry her eyes out about her first break up. Again, I will be there whole heartedly. Now I think of that little boy at two years old blabbering to me with tears in his eyes about something but I have no idea what it is. Is this moment less important then the one I just described in the future? We grab a kids toy out of their hands and demand that they share with a friend and they have a meltdown. We scold them and tell them to stop crying. How would we feel if someone snatched our iPad and demanded we share? or took the keys to our brand new Mercedes and said "it's just a car" I'd be upset!
Just the other day I was rushing in the door from a basketball game trying to throw together the rest of a meal I had prepared for the neighbors. my son said "mommy potty" Instead of taking a moment to address his needs or think of how hard my husband was working, I brushed him off to his dad who was busy shoveling ours and the neighbors drive way before it turned to ice. I stuck my head out the door and snapped that I needed help finishing this dinner saying "priorities honey priorities. this is a priority now!" Dad came in only to report that our son had wet his pants. I mention dad because he was busy just like me but I felt like what I was doing was much more important. I feel silly and selfish about the whole thing now but in that moment only my things took priority. so not only did I ignore my sons needs, but my husband as well. We have been stressing during potty training how important it is to tell an adult when he needed to go and when he finally told an adult, he got ignored.
Don't Ignore or brush off your kids! I don't want to be that mother that expects my family to communicate and turn to each other when those are not the principles I'm showing everyday. Even, and especially, through the eyes of a two year old. We watch everyday how quickly our little sunshine picks up on what we do. He copies us word for word, he mimics his dads every move. This is the time to start. Treat it like its the future now! imagine those sweet little people climbing on your lap to tell you something that is SO important to them. Will we brush them away because we are busy on Pinterest or in the middle of a candy crush game? (my husband and I are both guilty of this) even if you don't have a CLUE what they are saying you nod your head like you understand, offer then a hug and a kiss and ask how you can help! Teach them now that they are your first priority and you are a safe place to go in times of distress. What seems like such and unimportant or menial thing is huge in the eyes of a child. we have to try to understand the way they feel about things. If I don't learn to listen to my children now, how will they handle this in 10 years? who will they go to when the proposal goes wrong or the break up happens? Probably not me
